Week 8 Class Reflection

Okay, so let me start out by saying how excited I was to see Scott Wolf (Bailey from Party of 5) in the "White Squall"! That's my favorite TV show of all time, and no one ever knows what I'm talking about when I reference it.
There are a few things that stood out to me in class discussion this week.
We talked on Tuesday about respectability and today it wasn't as directly hit upon, but we were definitely all trying to measure the respectability of the actions of the survivors of the Whaleship Essex. In Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, Jacobs' grandmother says, "There would have been more virtue in death or even rape than the choice she made." When I read those words, "more virtue in death" I can't help thinking about the survivors of the Essex. I think there would have been more virtue in their dying than killing other human beings and eating them. I mean, yeah, we can say we wouldn't know what we would do unless we were in that situation, but I think we can have a good idea. Even if I'm wrong, say if I were in that situation and I decided to butcher my friend like a tortoise and eat him, I'm not going to say in the end that it was a more virtuous action than choosing my death. I'd have my life, but not my virtue. To me, my virtue is more important. To others, it might not be. So, I don't think what they did was respectable. I don't blame them, because I do realize that it was their only chance at survival. Let them walk away with the award of still having their life, but I certainly don't think they deserve more of an award or merit than that. Definitely not my respect or recognition of their manliness. That's another thing this class discussion got me thinking about. Manliness. We said that it was something that is measured in the eyes of other men. I thought it was more interesting; however, that some of the women vowed to not marry a man who had not gotten at least one whale. I know things have changed a lot since that time, but I really think that the way women view manliness is a lot different now than how men view it. At least, in my experience.
In this class we've seen manliness based on conquests in whaling, exploring, wrestling, sexing, wedding crashing, and so much more. Men must make conquests. Yet, I know a lot of women who view those as boyish things. The easiest way to explain this is to compare it to "A Knight's Tale" when Jocelyn asks William to lose all of his jousts to prove his love for her. We think a boy is a man, when he is able to deny himself the glory of conquest. I've never been a guy, but having a brother and lots of guy friends leads me to speculate that a guy finds it a lot more difficult to tell all his buddies that he's finally met the one he'd like to settle down with than it is for a girl to tell her friends.Perhaps, it's because men don't want to appear conquered. It's like their admitting that they've allowed a woman to tame them. Now, I don't know about everyone else, but I would not fall head over heels for a guy who told me he ate his friends to survive a whaling trip. I definitely wouldn't swoon at his "manliness." Maybe manliness has just gone out of style.

There was something else I found very interesting. Pollard's leadership was more democratic, whereas Chase was more socialistic. He attended to the rations. He became a source of comfort and inspiration. More of his men survived. I just think it's interesting that the "democracy" was the one that ended worse.

Just one other thing I have to mention- Today, in class, when we mentioned that the black sailors were the first to die and be cannibalized- I thought of scary movies. The stereotypical scary movie, where supposedly the black guy always dies first. Speaking of which, this book is eerie. The image of that ship in the film clip freaked me out, too. The power of water, particularly the ocean, has always freaked me out, but the image of that creepy ship in the dark, misty, stormy sea like the eerie image I've included (Ghost Ship by Charles Cochrane)...anyway, I'm starting to rant. It kinda feels good though- I haven't written like this in a while. I'm finally finding my voice again- I thought it was lost forever to the mold of analytical essay structure. I can't say how good it feels to know it's not gone.
Favorite Quote:
"This is a past we forget we need to remember."
I think if we'd pay attention to the past, we'd save ourselves a lot of trouble. I guess that's why I've always been fascinated with historical things and classic literature and films. Never say there's no point in something that happened before you-there's always something to learn. This quote reminded me of another of my favorites-a quote by Cicero, "Not to know what happened before you were born is to remain forever a child."

My Thoughts and Thoreau

My dad always used to tell me, "Imitation is the highest form of flattery." I couldn't help thinking about that the whole class period, when we were talking about how Thoreau imitated Emerson. It was just so ironic to me, because the man whom Thoreau imitated out of admiration said, "Imitation is suicide." So, in his case it would appear that imitation wouldn't be at all flattering to Emerson, because that means Thoreau obviously didn't read "Self-Reliance". Well, at least not yet. Thoreau obviously became quite self-reliant. My favorite quote that was mentioned in class on Thursday was "I am under an awful necessity to be what I am." Mostly, because I've been struggling with that same weight. It's harder than you think. But that's one thing I won't resign. I know we also talked about how in some cases the resistance becomes foolishness. Sometimes, if we "embrace the slave mentality" as Steen said in class, happiness will come naturally. That's what I've been doing in most areas of my life since I've been breathing, but in others I was foolishly persistent. I've recently reversed those roles and I've never been happier. For example, my whole life I just went along with what everyone expected from me. Yeah, I was an individual, but I only showed my individuality around the people who wanted to see it. Until one day after watching "The Dead Poet's Society," I realized that if I died, My parents wouldn't have ever known me. Really known who I was-I mean. In that movie they quote Thoreau's Walden, and the part that got me is when he says, "when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." So, I dropped the slave mentality on that area of my life, and I started allowing some relief from the "awful necessity to be what I am." On the other hand, I was foolishly persistent in love. I dated this guy for 3 years who was a complete jerk. Now, I realize that I liked the relationship, because it was difficult. I enjoyed the struggle. "A foolish consistency in the hobgoblin of little minds" (Emerson). Resistance became familiar to me, so I just remained consistent. I realized things don't always have to be a fight. Now, I'm dating someone who treats me wonderfully. Now, you might be wondering how this whole dating thing relates. Well, it does and here's why.
When I started dating my current boyfriend (Nathan), My brother (Jordy) told me he didn't respect me anymore, because I was taking the easy route.
So, basically his argument was that with my former boyfriend (Kaleb) I'd had this epic love full of anger, passion, heartbreak, which literally drove me insane and I fought really hard to stay with him and stay happy. That's why Jordy respected me. He said it was so admirable to see the way I fought for love.
On the other hand, Nathan treats me really well, and everything is really easy. It's easy to laugh, to smile, and to find peace of mind. I love it! I love not having to struggle every second. Maybe that's a slave mentality, like my brother seems to think, but if it is- I embrace it. I realized that sometimes you just gotta let yourself be happy. That's what I'm doing now. So, I know it's a lot to follow, but that's how I've reversed the roles. I'm more open about what I want to do with my life. I make my own decisions now, although my parents still think they have the authority to make them for me. Yet, in way, I suppose I can see the appeal of the life of non-resistance. At the end of the day, I think it just depends on what makes you happy.
Like Tony said in class, it probably made Thoreau super happy to resist and he didn't see it as a burden. To some people, Resistance is all that stands in the way of their happiness.

Favorite Quotes:
"What is once well done is done for ever."
"I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion."
"It is not desirable to cultivate a respect for the law, so much as for the right."

Self-Reliance and Intuition

I read "Self-Reliance" for the first time a long time ago, and I loved it. Ever since I was 13 or 14 my favorite quote has been, "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion." I was writing it on all my notebooks and posting it on my aim profile. Really, for a 13 year old girl-that quote is a life-saver. That's just the time in my life, when I was trying to figure myself out. All the 7th grade girls want the same book bags, shoes, clothes, boy. Thinking about college, I guess there's quite a few girls who haven't grown out of that. Well, they didn't have Emerson like I did. SUICIDE. Emerson called imitation suicide, and I knew he was right. Also, around this time in my life I had stumbled upon a clip of someone reading Mark Twain on my computer's Encarta Encyclopedia. My brother and I used to play it multiple times a day, because we thought it was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. I still catch myself saying it: "It was the first time in my life I had to decide betwixt to things, and I knowed it." Ha! I still laugh. I just laughed writing it, but in all seriousness that was the point in my life when I was deciding between "suicide" or individuality. ("And I knowed it")

Anyway, one new point we brought up this week in our class discussion about self-reliance is the question of intuition. Suzanne asked us what the relationship was between our intuition and imagination, passion, reason, and superstition. Well, I believe that our imagination get's the best of us, when we have what I like to call those "epicly bad feelings" otherwise known as intuition. When I get those feelings, I know that something bad will happen. I never know exactly what it is, though most times I can guess. That's where the imagination comes in. The relationship between our imagination and our intution is a dangerous one, because with intution-our reason is abandoned. At least, mine is. November 15, I think four years ago- I got one of these epicly bad feelings. I told my mother that I didn't want to leave the house that day, which to her didn't seem reasonable at all. I didn't really care about reason at that point. That feeling overpowered everything else. Nevertheless, she forced me to go with her, because she said we needed to visit my grandparents. It was raining. About 5 minutes down the road, the car in the other lane driving toward us hydroplaned and came into our lane. I was sure I was going to die. The car swerved into the ditch just inches away. I wondered why I'd even had such a terrible feeling. What good had my intution done? I was still forced to get into the car, and more importantly, I didn't die. It's not like I'm complaining, but it really made me wonder what the point was in my intuition. I could sense danger, but It wasn't up to me to avoid it. All it really did for me was turn my imagination against me causing me to dream up every insanely unlikely way I could die or be injured that day. Almost like how I feel after I finish watching a "Final Destination" movie.

So, what throws off intuition?? Maybe fate. I don't think we can avoid any of the things we foresee, or fore"feel." Whatever it is. It's like the Mothman. It let's us know something bad will happen, but there's no way we can stop it-and it's just creepy as hell. So, those are my thoughts on intuition.

Here are some of my other favorite quotes from "Self-Reliance":

"Who has more soul than I, masters me, though he should not raise a finger."

"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think."

"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind."

This week's discussion was great! Other than talking about the ninja-like characteristics that women have, we talked about another point that interested me:Eliza Wharton's circumstances in comparison to those of modern times. In alot of ways things have changed, but there are still some of the same problems. Women have a lot more freedom, but I think society still views women in a negative light if they live an independent lifestyle. Would Eliza Wharton's story have been so tragic if her society had offered her more than marriage as a way of life? Probably not. Considering Marriage was the only thing a woman could really achieve with her life, well, marriage and motherhood(but only if motherhood was within marriage), there are a lot more choices for women in modern society. We,too, can have sucessful careers in nearly any field we choose, and we still have the option of marriage and motherhood if we desire it.

This past week I read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. That novel is set in the future at a point when birthrates are really low. Women are no longer allowed to read or write, which suggests that it is the women's education that leads them away from a life of motherhood. Honestly, there is some truth in this. More women are deciding not to have children or to wait much longer to have them if they do.In my case, I still have grad school to look forward to and whatever career follows that. I'd like to wait till all of that stuff is figured out. It's just easier. Anyway, I've still kinda got my mind set on the horrors within The Handmaid's Tale.

...So, I'm pretty frustrated, because I tried to submit my blog and the action "failed." I don't know why, but some of it wasn't auto-saved.So, half of my stuff isn't here anymore...anyway it was somewhere along these lines...

This book along with The Handmaid's Tale really got me thinking about women's rights. It was kinda odd how none of Eliza's friends really promoted or stuck up for Eliza's freedom as a woman. Yet, it's impossible for us to completely understand, because we can't place ourselves in their society to understand the restrictions on their freedom. If anyone is interested in this view, though, I strongly suggest The Handmaid's Tale. It's really good, and I think there is a movie,too. It kinda takes a glimpse at the future, and how women's freedom and improved educational opportunities presented a danger to society, but also the dangers that came once their rights were taken away again.